I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I could fuck to npr.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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