fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
