I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
