It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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