i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
