Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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