took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
