Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
