there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
