yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize