um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
