Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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