my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
