If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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