I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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