So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
