with your own penis?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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