Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
