why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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