all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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