you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
