Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
