just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
