the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
