he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
