Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
