Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
