Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
