Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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