i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
