her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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