i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you will always have a special place in my vag
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
