I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
