next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
