Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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