The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found puke in my bra..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
