6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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