He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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