Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
