i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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