HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
