If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
