honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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