He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize