you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
