I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
