I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
