Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
