are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
