I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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