So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize