How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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