there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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