I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
