She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
