Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Actions speak louder than pants.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
