thus making me awesome and them whores
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
