I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have already put on my inside pants.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
