His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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