I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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