Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
