the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
