I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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