TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
