you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
