i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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