I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
